Demographics
by Shy Pistachio
Summary: A collection of shorts that address the weird pairings and embarrassing instances we fans put characters through. Will the torture never cease? LATEST: Azula has some...unresolved romantic tension with a certain Water Tribe boy.
1. Guru GoodyGoody

**A/N: **This is a humor story that came to me when I was rewatching the series. There are several instances in Zuko's dialogue that make me wince; they don't seem to be in character for him, or, if they are, they are so laughably dramatic and campy, I can't help but make fun of him. So I decided to play with the script a bit myself.

I had a lot of fun writing this. I literally cackled like a madwoman as I typed. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

This takes place in the middle of Season 2, Episode 9, "Bitter Work". Check it out and you'll know what I mean.

Demographics

The sudden explosion rocked the foundations of the surrounding abandoned houses. Iroh sipped his tea calmly as the smoke cleared.

"Why can't I do it?" Zuko shouted, frustrated. "Instead of lightening, it keeps exploding in my face!" His shoulders slumped. "Like everything always does," he added bitterly, turning away from Iroh.

Iroh set down his cup and slowly got to his feet. "I was afraid this might happen," he said gravely as he approached his angry nephew.

"What might happen?" asked Zuko, turning to face him again. "What do you mean, Uncle?"

"It's the writers, Zuko. They're the ones who are making you become…this." He gestured vaguely at Zuko.

There was a pause.

"What?" Zuko looked utterly perplexed.

"The writers," repeated Iroh, tucking his hands into his sleeves and peering at his nephew. "They're the ones who are making you say these things, making you act this way. Bryan and Mike are attempting to reach a certain demographic, you see; they want a character to sympathize with the angsty teenagers who are watching the show."

Zuko huffed, turning to look at the fading sun on the horizon. The wind blew softly through his hair. "I'm NOT angsty."

"You are, my nephew," said Iroh, smiling slightly. "It's even here in the script."

Zuko whirled around. Iroh was holding up a stack of papers that were stapled neatly together. "It's actually very interesting," Iroh went on as Zuko gaped. "It says here that you will befriend the Avatar, and help him defeat your father."

"What?" yelped Zuko, snatching the papers from Iroh. "Let me see that!"

There was another pause as Zuko shuffled through the supposed "script". "'Guru Goody-Goody?'" He snapped his head toward his uncle, looking incredulous. "They can't be serious!"

Iroh bit back a grin. "I'm afraid so. They manage to get a few things wrong in that. For instance, did you know that the Avatar ends up with his waterbending teacher?"

Zuko spluttered. "Katara? He ends up with KATARA?" He floundered for a minute, his hands twitching. "How could they DO that? I thought…we had…" He became incoherent.

Iroh hid another smile. "And you end up with Mai."

The Fire Prince paled. "But…but they set it up…" He flipped through the pages feverishly. "Aang sees Toph in a vision before she even joins their group! The guy even says, in Season Two, Episode Four," he straightened and lowered his voice, rising a single finger in the air, "'In the swamp, we see visions of people we lost, people we _loved_.'" He dropped his hand. "They set it up perfectly! Toph and Aang! Earth and Air! Tough and gentle!" He slumped. "_Opposites!_" he finished, breathing heavily.

"Not to mention," Iroh added, "fire and water." He winked rougishly.

Zuko blushed. "I, uh…yeah." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"After all," Iroh went on, unable to conceal his grin this time, "they set it up for you and young Miss Katara, too: both of you lost your mothers, you're the same age, you both defeat Azula together, and you save her life by jumping in front of a lightning bolt."

Zuko said nothing.

"In the end, she trusts you implicitly."

"Yeah. I know."

Iroh put a hand on Zuko's shoulder. "It's okay, my nephew. The fans will write it the way it was meant to be. You can be sure of that."

Zuko gave a small smile. "Thank you, Uncle."

Iroh nodded. "Now," he said, "for some tea."


	2. Unexpected

**A/N:** _I hadn't really planned on continuing this particular fic, but then I had a thought: wouldn't it be fun if I took a bunch of fan-based conceptions of the characters in the ATLA series and parodied them?_  
><em>The answer was a resounding "YES."<em>

ooo

Unexpected

"I've heard about you, you know," she said, leaning back on one foot and lifting her left hand to examine her pristine fingernails. "Zu-zu's told me a lot about your…little group."

Her smirk elicited his snarl, and her soldiers tightened their grip on his arms. "Leave them alone!"

"Oh, Sokka," she said, her laughter tinkling, and he wondered exactly how much Zuko had told his demented sister. "It's not them I'm after."

"You—wait, what?"

Azula took two steps forward, and all he could see was crimson lips and a very straight nose. "Haven't you figured it out by now?" Her teeth gleamed, and he was pressing himself back into her soldiers, away, away, away. Her breath trotted over the bridge of his nose, and he smelled ash and lotus blossoms.

"F-figured out _what_?" His voice had reached the pitch it had that time Katara threw his new boomerang into the ocean.

A clawed finger drifted gently from his temple to his chin. "It's you," she said simply, her golden eyes narrowing. "I'm after _you_."

Sokka thought that everything he'd seen while under the influence of cactus juice paled in comparison to the hallucinations he was now witnessing. But just because it was a hallucination did not make it any less alarming.

He scrambled backwards on all fours, attempted to crabwalk out of her reach.

"D-don't touch me!" All this stammering was mortifying.

"Oh, don't even pretend," Azula purred, slithering up his body. "I know you're after me, too."

The amount of dust Sokka left in his wake could have choked Appa.

One Fire Nation soldier, utterly bewildered but not stupid enough to show it, said, "Shall we pursue him, Princess?"

Azula's smile was feral, catlike. "That won't be necessary, lieutenant," she said, stretching. He winced when he heard her knuckles crack. "I'll get him eventually."

ooo

**A/N 2:** _This was what popped into my head when I realized there is a ridiculous number of "Sokkla" fics out there. I thought it would be fun to see what I would imagine Sokka's reaction would be to Azula's...advances._

_More suggestions for weird fan pairings and/or cliche instances are welcome and highly anticipated. *leans forward in seat with demented sparkle in eyes, hands clasped*_


End file.
